I always think that I inherit my mum’s strength in facing failures and heart break. Guess I’m wrong. So far, that I could remember, the last thing that made me cry for days is when I was dumped by my boyfriend, Mr. Z.
For the past 3 days, I’m drowning in tears. It’s all because of Mr. H. He is my best friend. When I first know him, I fall in love with him. I do confess to him but he replied politely that we must know each other well before we get into relationship. From that day, we become good friends. A few months later, he confessed that he recently get to know a girl and he fall in love with her. Nah! That’s when my heart starts to bleed and break. The first piece of my heart fell down after so long regained from my first love injury. From that day onward I tried hard to accept him as my best buddy and I succeed. It’s not that hard because I still love Mr. Z, my first love although he dumped me.
The journey continues and Mr. H was totally in fantasy thinking that the girl he loves was in love in him too. Unfortunately, she’s not. Each time he talk about his dream girl, my heart keep on hurts and for God sake, I don’t know why. It’s maybe because he starts neglecting me and spends more time with her. In simple word, blood from my heart dripped along the journey with Mr. H and the fallen pieces, I never collected. Keeping aside all my feelings and giving him inspirations to love that girl more each day make me happy as Mr. H was very deep in her and he’s totally happy. I belong to group who feel happy seeing their beloved happy.
Everything came to a halt when his relationship does not end as he expected. I feel sorry and I was about to cry when he told to me how depressed he was that moment. I can’t bear any of my friends crying. I console him as much as I could. How?? Here is when the problems start. Being his companion every night, hearing to his problems, keeping in touch all the time leads to a very big problem. I start to feel that I have rights to talk about him and care about him. I’m he’s best friend, that’s what I thought. I realize it’s wrong when the facebook comments arise as the issue. I was too excited to have Mr. H back in my life as my friend and not as another girl beloved. I wrote something in my facebook generally about him and further comments unexpectedly pulled his name out clearly. This caught attention of someone related to Mr. H. Therefore, we discussed about it that night. A beautiful of mine changed to be a worst day of all. Mr. H discussed politely with me but I caught the message that he wants to deliver. I know him. He will never want me get hurt. Here’s how the conversation go(in Malay of course).
Mr H: urm ina jgn ambik ati ea. Jgn persoalkan hal ni kay.
Me: ape die? Ckp je la.
Mr H: ina ade tulis pasal (H) ke kat fb?
Me: a’ah ade. Sbnrnye xnak mention name (H) pun. Tp tetbe je name (H), kwn ina mention. Nape?
Mr H: owh.. urm ade __ (H) terbaca. So die tanye ade ape2 ke antara kita. (H) ckp la kita kwn je.
Me: eh yeke?? Eh sorry la ina x sangka benda tue ley jadi isu. Sbb tue comment sterusnye lpas kwn ina mention name (H), ina trus chat dgn die. X teruskan komen2. Sorry.
Mr H: urm lau blh x nak la tulis pape sal (H) ea. Takot org salah anggap. Lagi satu yang kat wall (H). Ina dgn kwn ina komen tue.
Me: sorry la (H) ina x sengaja. Mesti __ ckp pape kan. Sorry sgt2.
The way he said that was very polite but the message is don’t ever write anything about me in your FB. Isn’t it?? If another person who don’t care about hurting my heart would simply said:
Kenapa tetbe je ckp cam tu?? X leh ke lau korg chat je.. kena gtau terang2 gak ke yang kau dgn aku rapat?? Pas nie jgn tulis pape sal aku. And that komen tue silalah padam..
I feel guilty about it and then I knew that I have no right to talk about my best friend facebook. He does not want anybody know about me. So then I said that I’m sorry and the best way to avoid it happen in future is to stop contacting frequently. I would not call him everyday as usual and I will not interrupt his facebook. If he wants to contact me, feel free to contact me anytime. I don’t want people to misunderstand us. This is the best way for both of us. This is all I can do to help my friend.
I lose my only friend who understand me and accompany me when I’m alone. Well I’m just a friend you know. Not having him beside me makes my days dull. For now, I am going back along the journey that had passed to collect the broken pieces of my heart and wipe all the blood dripped to reform the heart and prepare for another journey with someone else yet to come. The status which causes that problem is about happy beginning of relationship and that finally ends me up in total sorrow. Thanks to facebook. A really big thanks.
conklusinyer... x yah isau2.. kiteorg dah okay... :)
we're best friends u know.. no ego problem...
cite nie dah lame happen, tetbe rasa nk tulis... well its my blog... suke ati aku la nk tulis pape pn en...
Pergh serius thap gaban nie... abis aspect literature pn aku tibai...